Motorcycle Riding Rules: Malaysian Styles

These are the rules:

1) Ride as fast as possible in between cars.

2) No matter what condition: you are always right, car drivers never.

3) Sound your horn & scold car drivers who want to change lane, even if they have switched on their turn signals from 1 mile away.

4) Before turning & changing lane, never switch on your turn signals, they are only for decorations.

5) Other road users must take good care of you because you are more prone to accidents & fatality.

6) Traffic lights are for 4-wheeled vehicles & more only.

7) Wear light clothing - e.g. short pants, sandals. We Malaysians are proud with "Ilmu Kebal" (Invincibility).

8) Spread your legs apart - as "air brake" during emergencies.

9) Pakai baju terbalik - for aerodynamics.

When you have passed all the above rules, you may be rewarded with this ride for extra "cilok":

Pasar Mini Ass

In Pasir Tumboh, not far from Kota Bharu there's a mini market:

I'm speechless for a few seconds before laughing out my a** like hell...

Not enough with that, there's post erected next to it:

Mind you, they're not just selling Chocolate Malt Drink:

This mini market also sells Chocolate Asscream!

Aduhai Adik-adik Jururawat Wad 7 Utara, HUSM

Last Chinese New Year when my late mother (May Allah bless her soul) was hospitalized for the 2nd time, I tried to talk to the nurses at the ward's desk (7 Utara to be specific) applying for the Pass to accompany my mother.

One of the nurse replied since 7 Utara is for female patients only female companion could apply for the Pass.

I persuaded her for some exception since I don't have any female siblings in my family.

The nurse responded that it's the Hospital rule & she didn't want to be questioned by the Staff Nurse in charge of the ward for breaking the rule.

OK, I respected her discipline while cursing her in my heart.

Later on, I witnessed the nurses are surfing Facebook using the ward's PC.

My immediate respond was: F**k off with their disciplines & rules...

Compared to
a) Breaking a rule for a son whose accompanying her sick mother,
or
b) Breaking rule by surfing social website using official cum public hospital's cum government's cum duit rakyat's PC,

Which 1 is more severe crime & sin?

Oh sh*t, I'm typing this entry using my office's PC... Oopppss.. Wakaka!

Aside from that: My highest appreciation to doctors, nurses & staff of HUSM.

Now Every Idiots Can Fly...

No latest entry for quite some times, due to my beloved mom was hospitalized. So I had to travel back & forth SZB/KUL-KBR-KUL/SZB to visit her.

Since this few weeks I fly quite a lot, this entry is dedicated to the Malaysian way of air travel:

1. When the stewardess/ground staff called for disabled/elderly/traveling-with-small-children passengers to board, almost everybody would rush in. Yes, because we are all disabled - mentally of course...

2. Mobile phone usage is only allowed inside the Terminal Building. Checked.... and f**k off. So what? I pay for my phone bills using my own money! Interference with aircraft navigation system & possible cause of fire? Shove 'em up you a**!

3. For your safety, please follow the designated walkway to the plane. Checked... and also f**k off. I'm in a hurry, otherwise I won't get my seat or worse, the plane would take off without me!

4. Malaysian definition of hand luggage = as long as I can carry/drag it with my hands. When will you learn that size doesn't bloody matter?

5. The window seats are first come first serve basis, not even if your boarding pass has your name on it.

6. When the aircraft has landed, let us all 'give standing ovation' while waiting for the craft hatch to be opened. This is also to exercise our legs after sitting for a while.

7. Let's rush to get out, otherwise our luggage will go home on their own & we have to pay for their taxi/bus/ERL as well.

8. Repeat no. 2 & 3.

9. Of course, the classic habits - take home all items provided during flight (plates, cups, pillows, blankets, etc...). Which is why nowadays the airlines provide disposable plates, cups & rarely provide pillows & blankets. But i heard that every people all around the world did this, not just Malaysians.

Maybe I will set up a new airline company with a tag line:

"Now every idiots can fly!"

BTW: The lady 2nd from left is simply the most gorgeous stewardess I've ever seen. Hehe... Which makes me wonder, is she a stewardess for real or just model for hire?

The Truth Behind The Missing TUDM's F-5E Jet Engines

Few days ago, Malaysia was shocked with the news of a General Electric J85-21A after-burner turbojet engine – used in single-seater F-5E Tiger 11 and RF-5E Tigereye fighter jets – was discovered missing from the Sungai Besi RMAF airbase during a routine maintenance service.

Also missing were avionics system, maintenance and service records.

It was also confirmed by Ministry of Defense that 2 (WTF!) engines were stolen, with each costing RM50mil if they were new.

While we still can't forget the Al-Maunah's weapons 'heist' & use of armed force's C4 in the bombing of the late Altantuya, this is 1 fu**ing serious case! It's a matter of national security & Malaysia's credibility in the eyes of the world.

But while we continue to blame the government & the corrupt military officials, have we ever consider that all these military cases are actually conspired by this guy:

It's Starscream!!!

Seriously dudes, Starscream couldn't find any 'Kedai Potong' for his spare parts, so he actually found a weak link in RMAF's procedures.

Man, this is serious. The evil 'Decepticons' are infiltrating our Military's structure.

What next? We'll become slaves of the alien robots?

Just where the hell are 'Optimus Prime & the Autobots' when we need them?

Dasar Pandang Ke Timur (Look East Policy)

Dasar Pandang Ke Timur (DPT) telah diumumkan oleh Y.A.B. Perdana Menteri Malaysia yang ke-4, Tun Dr. Mahathir bin Mohamad pada 8 Februari 1982. DPT merupakan satu dasar untuk mencontohi negara-negara Timur yang telah membangun dengan pesat seperti negara Jepun dan Korea Selatan.

Dasar ini menekankan tentang pentingnya unsur-unsur ketekunan dan disiplin dalam kerja, perasaan taat setia pada negara, semangat kumpulan, keinginan menambah daya pengeluaran negara, meningkatkan kecekapan, mengurangkan pembaziran dan merapatkan hubungan di antara golongan majikan dan pekerja.

Strategi dasar ini adalah ditujukan kepada pembentukan sumber tenaga manusia menerusi penerapan nilai-nilai dan etika kerja yang terdapat di Jepun dan Korea Selatan dengan cara-cara bagaimana untuk meninggikan daya pengeluaran dan mutu kerja, mempertingkatkan pengetahuan dan kemahiran teknologi, membangunkan masyarakat Malaysia yang tekun, rajin, berdisiplin dan bekerja mengikut nilai-nilai dan etika kerja yang baik.

bla...bla...bla...

Btw do you know what is the most important Japanese invention of the 20th century?

Doraemon? Ultraman? Subaru Impreza & Lancer Evolution?
Wrong!

Maria Ozawa? Err... that's not an invention ok.

According to a Japanese poll in 2000, these are the items:

5. Compact disc.
4. Computer consoles
3. Walkman
2. Karaoke
1. Instant noodles!
Yes, Instant Noodles were created in 1958 by Japan's Nissin Foods.

Ironically, Japan's food industry initially rejected the product as a novelty with no future.

Of course, in Malaysia we have our national food: Maggi.

All bow to Maggi!
Click Here for more!

Ipoh's Meister of Wheel Allignment & Balancing

One afternoon at a petrol station in Ipoh...

See the cars lining up to the pasar malam umbrella?

They are on q to meet the only living Meister of Wheel Allignment & Balancing!

Dont play-play with this Meister, he do those 2 jobs online i.e without taking out your car tires & even turning off your car engine.

If you send your car to normal tire shops, they will use the laser equipped computerized sensor & the spinning machine wtf machine for allignment & balancing works.

This meister however simply give a big 'F**k You' the the hi-tec equipments & simply use these own-fabricated tools for allignment

& this I-dont-know-what-this-is piece of equipment for balancing

Watch this sequential pictures:

He simply jack up your car, ask you to sit with engine on, gear in & press the pedal while he handsomely monitor the tire rotation & feel the suspension.

Then stick some tape to the rim, watch the tape's rotation

& finally stick the wheel weight where appropriate to balance your wheel

For allignment, he put the tool with mirror on your right wheel

put the other pair (with some measurement markings) on the left wheel & monitor the reflections of the wheels & judge either the allignment is OK or not.

Honestly I don't know how he allign the wheel coz 2 times I went there I never saw how he did it.

As a real meister, size of vehicles does not matter.

I wouldn't surprise if he can service lorry or bus...

The meister is actually the 3rd generation of his family to provide the service here, unfortunately looks like there won't be any 4th coz people claim his children are not interested to continue their family tradition. It's a great loss...

In the end he charge RM5 per tire for balancing & RM7 per tire for allignment. Compare that to the proce charged by wheel shops.

However his service only limited to front wheels only.

So if you ever come to Ipoh & need some quick works on your tire, just visit the Meister in Shell Petrol Station, Jalan Datoh near Shen Jai School and you wont be dissapointed.

The King has returned!

Durian - the "King of Fruits" season has returned.

Staying in Perak, I however noticed the quantity of durians this year is lower compared to previous years. Perhaps the durian trees in Perak are stressful due to Perak Constitution Crisis?

As always, durian stalls mushroomed everywhere.

Interestingly, a durian stall in Damansara Uptown caught my attention.

In KL, it's common for durian stalls providing table & chairs for customers to savour durians on site.

The mentioned stall however, has this signage:

"Dijamin Makan" (Guarantee to eat)?

Either they claim their durians are purely irresistable or they will do anything to force the customers to buy & eat their durians by:

1. Put the parang used to crack durians on your neck & say: "Makan atau mampos!"
2. Threat you to whack your head with durians if you refuse to buy/eat.
3. Gas you to death by burping on your face after eating durians.

Pooh killed with durians & thrown to river

Of course I hope the sign means their durians are damn good.

BTW, do you know that durians are believed to have 'erotic properties' by the Javanese to the extend they have a saying...

"Durian jatuh, sarong naik"

Damn, that's way too good...

Giant Sea Kelp

This is a Giant Sea Kelp (Macrocystis pyrifera).

It can be found in eastern Pacific Ocean (America) & also southern oceans (South America, South Africa & Australia). So I guess we wont see them here in Malaysia.

One fascinating fact about this kelp is that it's the fastest growing organism on earth with growth rate of two feet per day.

Damn, I could use that kind of ability on certain part of my body!

Just kidding ok, there's nothing wrong with anything on me but some good info worth sharing right?

Klinik Pakar Mata Mutiara, Kubang Kerian

Last weekend I went back to my hometown for some family matters.

I noticed a newly opened ophthalmology clinic.

OK, my hometown Kubang Kerian is getting more developed.

Wait a tick, look at the sign board model!

Walahey! It's Brandon Routh's Clark Kent/Superman!

Super cool! So this is the clinic where The Man of Steel get his eye treatments. After this I'm going to the Klinik Pakar Mata Mutiara to have an eye surgery to have Superman's Heat Vision.

And most importantly, the X-Ray Vision...

Beware...!!!

We all know that kangaroos are Australian national symbol, it's not just because the hopping marsupials are unique to The Land Down Under but they are also abundant there.

So if you might have the chance to drive in Australia (I'm targeting for it!), you won't be surprised to see this signage:

The kangaroo signage has become Australian National Symbol, that's why we can see some people sticking them (the souvenir ones) in their car for berlagak.

While in Clearwater Sanctuary Golf Resort in Batu Gajah, Perak...

...they have this signage:

...

Monitor Lizard?

Now that's the coolest Malaysian National Symbol!

Hail to you, biawak!!!

p/s: actually they do have giant monitor lizards roaming around in Clearwater.

Dragon

Dragon is perhaps the most famous legendary creature in almost every culture.

It is often depicted with serpentine/reptilian traits.

In eastern culture (especially chinese) dragon (loong) is a symbol of good, wisdom & benevolent. It is often associated with auspicious power & sometimes able to grant wishes.

While in the west, it is usually a malevolent, evil & feared creature. Those who are able to slay a dragon are acclaimed as heroes.

A dragon also usually depicted with fiery & smoky breath.

And being a legendary creature, nobody ever able to witnessed it. Neither even come out with archeological or photographic evidence - genuine at least...

But this blog entry will break that tradition...

Yes! I've seen a living breathing dragon & able to provide you with genuine photographic evidence!







Moral: Who says smoking kills huh? Who? This is a living evidence!